Difficult Decisions Ahead

Zach and I were fully prepared for Friday's bad news.  We have been acutely aware of his declining health the last 2 months; the ER trip, stomach bug, throat infection, weight loss and increased pain all meant something was wrong.  Even though we were not surprised by the scan results it was still very hard to hear the news.    

The cancer has continued to spread further into the lymph nodes and the liver.  Our options in Boise are quickly running out.  The final treatment that Boise is not promising.  It is extremely toxic, much like the chemoball was earlier this year.  Zach has already received 2 components of the drugs in earlier treatments.  They did not help him then; we fear they will not help him now.  The side effects sound pretty awful.  I have enjoyed how alive and active Zach has been these last few months.  It makes my heart hurt to have him face side effects that truly affect his quality of life.   

Seattle still has not identified whether Zach qualifies for clinical trail #1.  There was a mistake in the lab and the sample needs to be retested.  A spot for Zach in clinical trail #2 may become available in November.  However, if Zach progresses too much further downhill he will no longer be a viable candidate for trail #2.  

We are weighing our options.  It's a fine balance deciding between Zach's quality of life and treatments with nasty side effects that offer little hope.  No one wants to feel like they're giving up.  But at what point do you choose to enjoy the time you have left with the people you love rather than pursue further options that offer little hope and terrible side effects?  

I appreciate your offers of help--at this time we really are doing okay.  Dinner usually finds its way onto the table one way or another.  We desperately need prayers for direction though!  Some difficult decisions needs to be made in the next week.  

We spent this morning at the Eagle fire department's open house. Oliver climbed in the fire engines, met several firefighters and ate lots of junk food.  A great way to spend a Saturday!

 I asked Oliver what he was doing and he said, "I hold daddy."  

 Everyone deserves a treat now and then.

 He cried big, sad tears when I took it away.  

 Zach and I went to the BSU game with our friends Dennis and Melanie Koch.  We really appreciate BSU football for treating us to the game!

 Waiting for the garbage man is a Monday morning tradition in this household!

 Max at Jabbers.  Precious and adorable as usual.

 Max doing a little grocery shopping. 

Testing the waters with finger foods.  

I spent a lovely weekend in McCall with even lovelier friends.  So much fun to get away for a few days.  

Our Next Steps and 15 Smarties

I left Seattle emotionally drained and a bit frustrated by the miscommunication between our Boise and Seattle doctors.  But I am glad we now have the right information and can move forward.  

Here is what we learned:  nothing will change from Zach's current course of treatment if his scans look good in early October.  We will only change treatment if necessary.  

There are 2 clinical trials that Seattle offers.  Option #1: a clinical trial is open but only 10% of patients qualify to participate.  Zach must carry a necessary protein.  (We had thought from our Boise team that the necessary testing had been done several weeks ago.  It has not.)  So we wait 2-3 weeks for the test results to return.

If he does not qualify then we wait for option #2--another clinical trail.  It is not open but he is currently on a waiting list and no word on how long he would have to wait.  

Both trials require that Zach receive treatment in Seattle and he travel up 1-3 times a month, depending on the trial requirements.  Not ideal with the little boys and Zach's teaching schedule but we will make it work!  It is definitely better than having to move to a new place for an extended period of time.  

Option #3 is to receive a 3-drug regiment in Boise.  Zach's body has seen variations of 2 of the drugs before.  So they are not completely new drugs to the system (which is unfortunate) but they are somewhat different (which is better than nothing.)

Lots of information and lots of options.  We will have word by October 3 of Zach's latest scans and we can go from there.  

We are very grateful to the Vizzutti's (my extended family) for opening their beautiful home to us.  It was nice to have a "home" away from home.  Zach and I flew home late Wednesday night.  While we were gone Oliver earned 15 smarties for using the potty.  So thankful my mom got the process underway--I admit I have been a lazy potty training mommy.  Diapers are easier in my book!

Earlier this month the Boise Hawks treated us to a memorable evening.  We are so grateful for the wonderful seats and that the players signed baseballs for Oliver and Max.  I am not entirely sure that a baseball game even took place however because Oliver and Max kept me very busy.  But I heard they won in extra innings!

We met my dear friend Quyen and her husband Pat for dinner in Seattle.  They treated us to a fun evening!

 Oliver highly dislikes hats.  Always has.  I had to change his 1st Halloween costume hours before Halloween because he wouldn't wear his hat--which was an integral part of the costume.  BUT he loved wearing his Arizona Wildcats hat (thanks Uncle Ben!) to the Hawks baseball game.  

 All smiles!

 Uncle Nate and Oliver!

 Oliver was invited down to the Hawks dugout where he sat and waited for the players to come out.  

Oliver was terrified of his new friend!

But he warmed up to him enough to take a signed baseball.  

Playing catch--Oliver's got a good arm!

Oliver proudly showing off his signed baseball!

Zach and Oliver!

Family picture on the pitcher's mound before the game.

Max enjoyed watching the game from my arms.  

Stylish Oliver!

Uncle Nate and Max!

Nate got the boys Chive shirts!

Obligatory slide pic!

This picture is priceless!  Max was crying because Oliver was chewing on his hand.  Zach and I were clueless.

A proud Chive fan!

Chick-fil-A hosted a mommy/son date night.  Oliver and I enjoyed a delicious dinner and a limo ride around Kleiner Park after.  We had such a fun night together!

Oliver enjoying his CFA dessert!

Seattle Bound!

During Zach's 15th round of chemo last Friday night he received a call from Seattle.  We have an appointment up there in a couple of weeks to discuss the possibility of Zach receiving treatment through a clinical trial.  The trial I mentioned a few weeks ago in the blog has not yet opened; this is a different one.  We knew this trial was a possibility but one that Zach had to "qualify" for based on certain indicators in his tumor biopsy.  It wasn't really worth mentioning at the time because there was a very slim chance Zach was a candidate.  We are thankful that yet another door has been opened.  But during this journey we've learned that the highs can be very high and the lows devastatingly low.  Therefore we are remaining as emotionally neutral about the situation as we can.

The school year has begun for Zach.  He is managing his pain the best he can but the medication and chemo can have nasty side effects.  I would love prayers for Zach--that his energy be restored and his pain minimal.

 Zach on "daddy duty!"

 Love these brown eyes...

 ...and this smile!

Max loves the bathtub!

Zach and Oliver at the fair.  We went early one morning to look at the animals.  It was so much fun and the boys did so well we stayed for lunch AND returned for another 3 hours of fun after naps.  

Max and mommy!

Zach and Oliver watching a horse event.  

 

Family picture!

Nathaniel spent the morning with us.  Along with wrangling Oliver he was our entertainment, as usual. 

Oliver loves Pronto Pup (nearly) as much as me.  

 Oliver on his first fair ride!  He LOVED it and drove that boat like a pro.

Grams and Oliver on the kangaroo.

Oliver enjoying another snack.  And Zach waiting for him to share.

 Grams and Max!

 

Oliver's thinking: bacon.  

Pig's thinking: looks like one bite to me.

 Zach and Oliver.

Rocky Road ice cream is serious business in Oliver's book!

Zach is a good sport about pictures.  I think this was the look, however, that I needed to wrap it up :)

A wonderful day at the fair with our little family.

Stepped out of my comfort zone and did a run...for fun.  What's that you ask?  It means you don't have to train, eat properly the night before, or refuse coffee the morning of.  I should do these "fun" runs more often!

A colorful and happy bunch!  A few of the amazing girls who I am proud to call friends; they are a great source of support for me.